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You are standing by a tree star star star emptystar emptystar


There are 3 paths.

 

One appears to go to a jungle,
one appears to go to a cave,
one appears to go to a beach,
you could try and climb the tree,
there is a nearby shop you could go in,
or you could do something else.

 

So what's its going to be?




Illustrated by Catprog

Written by catprog on 01 April 2003

In the shop star halfstar emptystar emptystar emptystar


There is a table with a sign saying

<strong>Free Sample:</strong>
Take one

 

On the table there is a fridge with a range of liquids. Also on the table are various magical trinkets including costumes. What would you like to take, or would you like to buy something?



Written by catprog on 10 April 2003

Other star emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


You decide to get something else. But what?



Written by catprog on 13 December 2005

A lamp star emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


You take a lamp. Now what are you going to do with it?



Written by catprog on 05 March 2004

Rub the lamp Version 2 star star halfstar emptystar emptystar


Just then, a huge puff of green smoke appears.

 

The smoke forms the shape of a humanoid, then finally materializes into a turquoise-skinned man who appears to be about 25 years old. You quiver with fear, staring at him (after all, you're not used to seeing turquoise-skinned men appear out of lamps).

 

"Who has rubbed my lamp" the man asks in a light, yet stern voice.

 

"I-I did", you answer softly.

 

He steps closer to you and bows. "Thank You, Master, Thank You!", he says as he kneels to you.

 

"Master?"

 

He stands. "Yes", he says. "You have released me from the Lamp, and now you may have as many wishes as you want. The wishes carry certain limitations, however..."

 

"Yes, like what?", you ask again, almost bursting with excitement (having your own genie and all).

 

"First, you may only make a wish once every hour. Second, all wishes must remain in effect for at least 24 hours. Third, all wishes made by the master should be precisely worded.

 

If the wish is too vague, then I shall choose the remaining factors of the wish. Forth, I can not kill or bring someone back from the dead.

 

Finally I can not make anyone fall in love with someone else"

 

Well what are you going to wish for?



Written by on 04 August 2004

There's no business like monkey business emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


You scratch your head and ponder. Unlimited wishes? "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!" you exclaim.

 

The genie ponders for a moment and bows. "Granted. See you in an hour." And with that he is gone, just like that.

 

Now what was that about? After a speech like that you had expected some fancy bibbity-boo stuff. And what exactly was granted? You didn't make a wish... or did you?

 

You pick up the lamp and rub it again, but all that comes out is a small puff of green smoke that congeals into a set of glowing digits. They last just long enough for you to realize that they are counting down from an hour. Another attempt produces blue digits that seem to be stuck at 23:59. Counting down from a day?
If you didn't know better (come to think of it, you don't) you would say you just made a wish, and the first clock is counting down the time left to the next one, and the other shows how long the wish will last. Only you didn't make a wish.. or did you?

 

You find the shopkeeper, explain what happened and ask what he thinks. He strokes his beard thoughtfully and asks: "What exactly did you say?"

 

"I think it was 'I'll be a monkey's uncle' or something like that. What...?"

 

"And do you have any married siblings?"

 

Your heart sinks as you realize the implications of his innocent question. Pausing only to toss the lamp into a basket of stuff nearby, you rush out of the store and make a beeline for your brother's house a couple of blocks up the road. As you pass out of earshot, you hear the shopkeeper mumble "I take that as a 'yes'..."

 

Bailing over the back fence for the final shortcut, you arrive in the back garden just in time to hear a woman screaming and some noises you last heard when you visited the zoo. It's a warm day and the patio door is open, so you run straight into the sitting room and stop dead as you see you sister-in-law standing in the kitchen door with a panicked expression. She was the one you heard screaming, and the cause is obvious when you turn to see what she is staring at.

 

Over in the corner, surrounded by a pile of your niece's favorite toys, sits a small chimpanzee child - a girl, from the look of it - looking curiously at the screaming woman and the panting man. She looks quite different from the last time you saw her, but putting all the factors together there is only one explanation. After all, the genie never said the effect of your 'wishes' would be limited to your person.

 

"Hot dog!" you mutter to yourself. "I am a monkey's uncle!"



Written by Won-Tolla on 26 July 2007

Thank You, Mister Exposition! emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


"You!" the upset mother snaps. "What is the meaning of this?"

 

Great, you think as you stagger into the room and collapse in a chair, the fast run finally catching up with you. She's gone from fear to anger. If only it wasn't directed at you.

 

Trying to catch your breath, you realize that Tinsel (her name was Tina something before she got married, and the first syllables or each names made an interesting combination) must have finished the denial phase before you got here - or does that one come later?

 

"You won't believe the day I've had," you gasp as your pulse approaches normal level.

 

"I'll believe yours if you'll believe mine!"

 

"Would you believe there's a magic store right down the road?"

 

"Actually..." Tinsel enunciates slowly, "I think I can honestly say the thought had not occurred to me in my wildest dreams!"

 

"Well I happened to pick up a magic lamp," you explain. "And I said something the genie took for a wish."

 

"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!"

 

"Precisely."

 

"What?"

 

"That's what I said."

 

Tinsel sighs. "How can two brothers be as different as you and my husband? Are you a changeling or something?" She turns to the monkey and beckons it closer. "Sorry I scared you, hon." Pausing briefly to pick up her transformed daughter, she turns to you and says, "Just in case you wonder - yes, I did see her change."

 

"Guess your day beats mine then."

 

"It's not over yet. And don't talk of beating, you may give me ideas! How long does this last anyway? Do you have more wishes?"

 

"Twenty-four hours. Or about twenty-three and a half by now. And I have unlimited wishes but can't use one to undo a previous one. Besides I left the lamp at the store."

 

"That one?" Turning in the direction Tinsel points with her free hand, you are only slightly surprised to see the lamp standing on the table next to you. Looks like it has a magical way of keeping up with you. Handy if you ever become unable to carry things... Whoa! Don't get distracted now.

 

"That's the one. But I can't make an other wish for about half an..."

 

"But I can!" Tinsel almost throws the transformed girl to you, grabs the lamp and rubs it energetically. You are only expecting the glowing digits, so you are quite surprised to see the genie appear in a puff of smoke.

 

"No you can't," he says, jumping straight into the conversation. He must have heard you from inside the lamp or wherever he was... "I only grant my owner's wishes."

 

"What if I buy the lamp from him?"

 

"Nice try, but it has to be done by the rules. The lamp can not change hands while a wish is active. It can only have one owner, who can only get rid of it by selling it for less than he gave for it."

 

"But it was a free sample!"

 

"Well, that's a problem then. And no, the solution is not to pay someone to take it from you. Doesn't work that way I'm afraid."

 

"So I just have to watch my words for the rest of my life then?"

 

"More or less. By the way, I misinterpreted you on purpose."

 

"What?!"

 

"You see, genies often have problems with their masters speaking ambiguously, so we try to train them to speak clearly. Call this lesson one."

 

"Well, I have a wish that doesn't need magic," Tinsel grumbles. "Whatever you need to demonstrate next, keep my daughter out of it!"



Written by Won-Tolla on 26 July 2007

More fun than a barrel... emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


The genie bows and disappears into a cloud of smoke that sucks itself back into the old lamp. Your sister-in-law glares at you while your brother looks like he's coming out of his state of shock.

 

"Look," you say, realizing this is all your fault, "I realize this is all my fault. Why not let me take Isabelle here home with me for a day? You two can have a nice, relaxing evening without the kid, and I'll have her back tomorrow once the magic has worn off. Sound good?"

 

Your brother Wayne and his wife Tina exchange a meaningful Look. There's a lot of negotiations going on between them in their facial expressions, and for a moment you just watch, fascinated, at the level of nuance possible in non-verbal communications between a married couple. Your musings are interrupted by a three-year-old chimpanzee screaming in your ear.

 

"EEEEK EEEEEE!"

 

"Gaah!" you cry out as you flinch at the sound. Fortunately, you have enough semblance of parental instinct to not drop Isabelle.

 

Wayne and Tinsel share another Look. Tinsel turns to look at you witheringly. She starts to open her mouth as if to say something, stops, then gives Wayne one final Look before turning around and entering the house with a slam of the kitchen door. The door slam gets Isabelle excited again, and now she's wriggling like mad and trying to climb up onto your head.

 

"Ow!" you wince as she pulls your hair. "S-"tupid monkey, you almost say. "-sssstop that!" you say instead. After a few minutes of twisting and making reassuring noises, you get Belle back into your arms. Wayne just watched the whole time, probably doing the older-brother thing where he waits to see if you're up to the task you're going to be taking on. Stupid older brothers.

 

Finally, once Isabelle stops monkeying around, Wayne steps towards you. "Don't let anything happen to her." he says directly to your ear, the implied 'or else' carrying a lot of big-brotherly weight. You swallow hard as Wayne turns to join Tina inside.

 

"Have fun," he says before disappearing into the house.

 

"Yeah," you say, wondering which of you is going to have the least fun tonight. You have a pretty good guess when Isabelle starts pulling on your ear. "You too."

 

You manage to get home with Belle without any real incidents. Walking the twenty-minute hike home with Isabelle monkey-hugging you all the way was actually kinda nice. Who knew that three-year-old chimpanzee nieces could be so... not awful. Maybe you can just put her to sleep, and this whole thing will be over before you know it!

 

You're home for not more than ten minutes before you hear it. You leave your niece alone for only a few seconds when...

 

*CRASH!*

 

Oh no...

 




Written by on 08 August 2007

Bouncing in a Rubber Room emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


*CRASH!*

 

You race into the kitchen, where Belle has somehow managed to get into the dishes.

 

*CRASH!*

 

How she got into the cupboard with the plates, you don't know. But she's taking them one-by-one and-

 

*CRASH!*

 

Yup, that's what she's doing. You race over to her, careful to avoid broken crockery, and pull her down. She wriggles in your arms, disappointed that the game has come to an end. You very nearly say something hasty, but catch yourself before you do. It's already quarter past five, and you know you left the magic shop sometime around four. Best not to risk the genie's wishful wrath.

 

But how to keep Belle, and almost as importantly, all your stuff, from being harmed or destroyed?

 

You carry Isabelle, still squirming, to the front entrance where the lamp is waiting. Both hands are full keeping the squirming monkey from getting loose, so you awkwardly hop on your left foot while trying to make rub contact with the right one. You succeed in getting enough of a rub before you knock it over to call your genie, who forms from the bluish smoke billowing out from the old lamp.

 

"What is thy bidding, my master?" the genie inquires politely, albeit a bit stiffly.

 

"I wish," you begin, as your clever idea takes shape, "That this house, and everything inside it - except the people! - were like rubber, so that it bounces and doesn't break."

 

The genie looks a bit disappointed at having a minimum of wiggle-room, and the house fills with smoke...



Written by on 10 August 2007

Rubber, rubber everywhere and not a... emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


As the smoke clears, you notice everything around you has turned soft and squishy. It's a bit hard to see because the windows have turned opaque and the lamps aren't burning any more. Guess you should have been even more specific with the wish...

 

You feel kind of warm and sticky yourself, and realize that your clothes have turned to rubber as well. Of course, they were in the house when you made the wish, so...
Fortunately you did some laundry this morning and have some garments out on the clothesline that should be okay. You just have to calm down Isabelle so she'll stay put while you go out and get the clothes. A soft growl from her stomach tells you she's hungry, and you could use a bite yourself, so you head for the kitchen...
Which turns out to be a futile quest. The fridge and all the food in it has been transformed as well. Looks like you have to go out and buy some...
Wait a minute...!

 

Fearing the worst you slip a hand into your pocket and pull out your wallet. It's rubber, and so is the cash in it. And you're going to have a hard time trying to make further withdrawals with rubber cards!

 

You have heard of checks that bounce, but this is ridiculous!



Written by Won-Tolla on 16 August 2007

Try to refrain from panicing long enough to make a plan emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


You try to come up with a plan as you stare at your rubber wallet filled with worthless rubber bills and cards. Your mind feels like its running running running running without going anywhere, like a hamster in an exercise wheel. Need food. Nothing edible. Need money for food. No money. Need to get money to get food. No cards. No money. No food.

 

Wayne is gonna kill you if you mess this up! Think already!

 

You take a deep breath to try and calm down so you can focus. The hands on your rubber kitchen clock are frozen at 5:16, with the second hand pointing silently at the seven. That probably means that nothing else in the house will be working - and specifically means that (1) you can't turn this into a relaxing night watching TV, and (2) you won't know when your genie has recharged if you stay in the house.

 

Less than twenty-three hours to go. You'll need at least three meals for yourself and your niece. How?

 

You finally get the flash of inspiration you were so desperately needing - the bank! You can't make a withdrawl using your bank card on the ATM, but if you go there in person all you need to do is give your account number. Most of the tellers recognise you anyways, so you shouldn't even need to show any of your worthless ID! Only trouble is that they close at six, the closest grocery store closes at six, and you'll either have to take Isabelle with you or leave her here somehow...

 

Wait a minute - where did Isabelle go? She's been awfully quiet lately, which is suddenly making you nervous. You start to walk quickly around the house to try and find her, but the bouncy floors make walking difficult. Instead, you end up bouncing softly as though you were on a trampoline.

 

She's not in the living room, entrance, or kitchen. You try to open the bathroom door, but the rubber door knob just twists in your hand without opening.

 

Wait - does that mean you're trapped inside, too? Maybe you'll just have to wait an hour, wish for some food, then play with Isabelle until she gets tired out and falls asleep...

 

Hey! You forgot that you left your bedroom window open for air this morning, and find the fresh evening air a welcome relief to the sticky-rubbery feeling that you didn't even notice building up in the rest of the house. You look out the window for a moment, thinking that you should get your clothes off the line once you find your niece, when you notice something unusual bounding across your back yard and off towards the jungle.

 

Something strangely chimp-shaped.

 

Oh no....

 




Written by Sam on 21 August 2007

I Sing The Abode Elastic emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar emptystar


The bedroom window turns out too small and wobbly for you to get through, so you bounce back into the living room where your eye is caught by a glint of metal. Something else that hasn't been changed..?

 

It turns out to be the magic lamp, lying approximately (give or take a few bounces) where you dropped it after your last wish. When you think about it, it makes sense that the genie and its lamp are immune to the genie's magic. Otherwise someone could cause all kinds of trouble wishing for the genie or the lamp to disappear or something.

 

On a sudden impulse you pick up the lamp and rub it. Sure enough, the glowing digits appear [see chapter 558], just passing 54. So your house has been rubber for six minutes then.

 

Even though you have enough trouble, knowing that you have a way to keep track of time as long as the lamp keeps following you [see chapter 559] and you can keep your head clear enough to do the math. Right now the lamp is counting down to 6:16 PM, which means you have to get to the bank before the countdown reaches 16, or get some money some other way.

 

But right now your first priority is a way to get out. The patio door is closed, but it's the thinnest in the house and should bend enough to pop the latch if you throw yourself at it hard enough.

 

Well, only one way to find out. You back up a few steps, run bouncily across the floor and turn sideways a moment before you hit the door. Just as you thought, the door bends and snaps open with a soft flump, and you stumble right into blinding sunshine and hit a surface that doesn't bend under your weight.

 

Losing your balance and rolling across the patio, you are surprised by the sound of... applause? Squinting in the direction of the sound, your resist the impulse to pull out the no doubt opaque sunglasses from your coat pocket. After a few seconds you can make out the neighbour's kids hanging over the fence and watching you quietly. Well, apart from the applause, that is. They must have seen the house change and probably think this is some kind of show, and you must admit that your behaviour isn't really suited to change that impression.

 

Getting to your feet and resisting the urge to take a bow, you wonder if the kids can help you somehow or just cause more problems.

 

"Was that your monkey, Mister Driscoll?" the youngest girl asks. "Can we play with it?"

 




Written by Won-Tolla on 25 August 2007


The end (for now)

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